We love you, Ma

My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly...
of massive stroke a little over a week ago...
Her death was so unexpected…
She wasn't ill--at least that we knew of…
I know and understand all the reasons…
Why this is happening…
And that there is no specific timeline…
I have barely had time to process it…
It's barely real to me yet…

When my mother died, I feel like my world is shattered...
Broken into so many tiny pieces that my life can never be put together...
I even find it very difficult or impossible to believe that she has died...
I feel scared and alone...
Ironically, there are a lot of people around...
But she’s not here and her body will never be alive again...
And it’s so sad that it makes my body hurt...

People whom I don't know come to our house, even people whom I don’t like...
People tell me how I should feel, what I should wear, and how I should act...
People tell me they know how I feel, and I want to shout...
“You have no idea how I feel!”...
In the midst of all of this, I am trying to understand the death of my mother...

The death of a mother is like no other loss in one’s life…

When my mother died, I become more aware of how much I loved her...
Sometimes it’s easier to recognize love after someone has died...
I regret that I didn’t say “I love you.” ...
After my mother has died, I can’t say it in the same way...
I can say the words, but my mother isn’t physically present to hear it...
As I think about the love I feel for her...
I recognize that she most probably loved me, too...

She knew that we loved her…
Of that I have no doubt…
I know, in my own personal faith…
She is still with us…We love you, Ma…

Feb. 27, 1958 - April 18, 2009
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Love isn’t just about the words...
It’s about sharing a special bond...
Love does not go away just because someone died…

Corrinne May - Fly...